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I need help.(r/asktransgender)
Yes, talk to your therapist about it. That’s what your therapist is there for. Most therapists, though, don’t know anything about Trans issues. If your therapist tries to talk you out of being Trans (which isn’t possible), switch to another therapist – trying to talk you out of anything is wildly unprofessional for a therapist. If your therapist is supportive, have them acquire and read Transgender Emergence by Arlene Istar Lev, which is written by a therapist specifically for therapists.
If you decide to switch to a therapist who understands Trans issues – which I recommend, honestly, unless you really like your current therapist and want to stick with them and they’re supportive even if they’re clueless – see www.t-vox.org/index.php?title=Therapists_by_region . That’ll help you find therapists in your area, and in other areas who do phone sessions, who get Trans issues and can really help you.
Lots of girls have no physical attraction to men. They’re called lesbians. 😛 Trans girls are as capable of being lesbians as cis girls are.
Connect with imatyfa.org/ and get yourself a copy of The Transgender Child by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper. (Never give or recommend anything you haven’t read first yourself!) Your local library may have it, or you can use your own money to buy a prepaid credit card at any of a load of stores – WalMart, Target, lots of others – and use that to buy the book online.
If your parents are at all willing, have them join groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ , which is specifically for parents of Trans and gender-nonconforming kids 18 and under. If they try to say you’re not Trans and therefore the list is no use to them, tell them that it’s for anyone whose kids aren’t typical for their gender, including people whose kids think they’re Trans. Frame it in terms of them getting their needs met, not a means to an end where you get your needs met. They’re a lot more likely to be receptive to the idea if they don’t think it’s just a ploy to get them to give you what you want. If it helps, frame it as a way for them to get commiseration from other parents whose children are doing this to them or who are ‘confused about their gender’. It’s hugely important for them to talk to other parents, just as important as it is for you to talk to other Trans people. It’s not healthy for you or for them if you’re their only connection to what, to them, is a very foreign and possibly very frightening world. They need to hear other parents – NOT just you – tell them that you should be trusted to know yourself, and that you are not doomed because you’re Trans. Yes, you will find love, yes, you will find a job/career, yes, you will be happy; no, you will not be outcast from society, no, you will not be looked at as a freak wherever you go, no, you will not be alone and miserable forever. Parents worry about that stuff. You can reassure them, but ultimately it’s reassurance from other parents whose kids have transitioned and (miraculously!) turned out fine and live happy lives that’s going to convince them.
The Trans Health conference is in Philadelphia every spring (it’s coming up in a few weeks) and is free, so it’s just a matter of going to Philly for the weekend. TONS of Trans kids around your age go with their families.
Gender Spectrum, while not free, may be more local to you if you’re closer to California. (If you can go to both, so much the better!) This year’s conference is in mid-July. And their website has a load of general resources too, not just conference info.
Also check out:
- Luna by Julie Anne Peters (YA fiction)
- Parrotfish by Ellen Wittlinger (YA fiction)
- She’s Not There by Jennifer Finney Boylan
- Trans Forming Families, edited by Mary Boenke (third edition, 2008)
- The Our Trans Children leaflet (sixth edition) – available from PFLAG’s Transgender Network for $2 US, or you can save and print it yourself for free. The booklet is their only source of revenue, so if you can pay for it, please do!
- TransGeneration (Ignore what Lucas says in the first episode about hormones being “very dangerous” – they’re not, not if you get them through a competent doctor and have regular – which usually means annual – bloodwork.)
(The books can be ordered on Amazon or you can get the ISBNs from Amazon and bring them to any bookshop to order them. The DVD can be ordered on Amazon also, as you see from the link.)