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EMSKR: How to shave pubes?(r/everymanshouldknow)
I’ve shaved my mashers and bang/taint/funhole for years and years, so let me contribute.
So let’s assume you’ve never blessed yourself with a shorn scrotum: There are two methods you can use to rid yourself of hair. I’ll go over both, since I’ve done both extensively.
USE A NEW RAZOR FOR THIS. Old razors deteriorate and the blades get bent/dulled. You don’t want dull blades tugging at hairs and nicking you up down there.
Trim up. Get a body-hair trimmer like a Norelco Bodygroom or just a regular hair-trimmer and take care most of the bush. Go with the shortest guard it’ll allow– Not using a guard is a good way to get a few nicks, not something you want down in your dangly bits. You want to get yourself short enough where a razor won’t get caught and cut you up in masses of hair.
Get in the shower, and get that bitch nice and hot. You don’t want to try shaving dry, hell no. Wash your hair, brush your teeth, do all of your regular shower things to give your pubes a bit to get wet and soften up. This’ll make it so much easier, trust me.
Start shaving WITH the grain. Make a few passes. Don’t press down on the razor, just let it do its job. You won’t get it all in one go, and that’s fine.
Go across the grain. If your hair looks like this: |||||, shave in this —> direction, or this <— direction. The best would be doing a pass of each.
Go against the grain. Now, at this point, if you feel smooth enough, feel free to stop. Going against the grain may cause irritation and ingrown hairs, so know your body and know how your hair responds. The biggest lesson is DO NOT PRESS DOWN ON THE RAZOR. You will only irritate your skin and nick yourself. Be patient and take your damn time.
Finish the job. If you shave your dick, you must also shave your balls, otherwise you might as well just not even do it. It may be scary the first time taking a razor to your jumblies, but it’s simple and quite safe, if you’re careful (For the record, I’ve never nicked myself shaving down below, yet I can butcher my face when I’m not careful). Just take the sack in one hand and GENTLY pull it to stretch the skin, and run the razor lightly over it, front and back, starting the stroke from the underside of your dick and dragging down towards your feet. Don’t bother too much with grain direction here, it won’t matter that much.
The Gooch/Ass/Asshole: You should also run over these areas with a hair trimmer/bodygroom before you go at it with a razor. The secret here is the same as the rest of your sensitive bits: Go slow, don’t press down with the razor, and relax. The taint is tricky, but you can navigate it by feel pretty well. The ass/asshole is simple, except for the hole. If you’re shaving your ass, you aren’t gonna leave the hole hairy, so when you shave it, shave starting from the pucker and stroke AWAY. Do not shave ACROSS the sphincter, else you’re just asking for a rough ride. Remember: DO NOT PUSH DOWN ON THE RAZOR.
For your balls, you might want to make a run over them later when you’re dry. Helps get those stray hairs.
Once you get out, pat-dry the areas you’ve shaved. If you get razor burn, get some Vitamin E cream or moisturizer and spread a little down there. This will help the skin heal, and probably cool things off. I like to pat a little Gold Bond down there, because if I’m going to be fancy enough to shave my balls, I’m going to powder them like an English Nobleman.
Itching: This is normal if this is your first time shaving/it’s been a while since you’ve shaved. You shouldn’t itch as bad or even at all the second time around, so just tough it out.
Farts: You’d better be ready, because you can no longer sneak these fuckers. The bare skin will amplify your ass air to trumpet-like levels. Be prepared to use your flesh-valve a lot more efficiently after this.
Sweat: You might feel like your ass/gooch is a lot sweatier than usual. It’s not, you just lack friction from your now-missing hair down there. Invest in some boxer-briefs if it bothers you. You get used to this as well.
Alright, so now that we’ve covered shaving, let’s discuss using chemical hair removers. I wouldn’t use Nair on your private parts, you will burn yourself. You have to find something for sensitive skin (Which I’m sure Nair has now). I am a fan of Magic Shave. It’s a powder you mix with water, then slather all over your crotch, wait a while, then rub off gently with a washcloth. You can get if off Amazon, or find it at most any drugstore in the shaving/hair removal aisle. Takes the hair right off and leaves you SMOOTH AS FUCK. It’s messier and takes a little more time, but it’s worth it in the end.
They do sell it as a pre-mixed cream, but ever time I’ve used it it’s been very lackluster, even after leaving it on for several minutes past the recommended time.
Test it somewhere like your inner thigh. Mix a small bit, put it on for the prescribed amount of time (7 or so minutes, in my case), and wash it off. Wait a day to see if there are any adverse effects. Skipping this step is not recommended, seeing as a small allergic reaction on your thigh is a lot easier to handle than one all over your fucking dick.
Mix. I use a mason jar, put in equal parts of the power and water, and shake it up. The I use something like a rubber spatula to scoop it out and slather it from dick (Try to limit getting any on the glans. It won’t kill you, but you don’t generally want depilatory cream on sensitive membranes like that) to asshole. The more you use, the better. Be sure to place a towel under you/do this in the tub to catch any that might drip.
Wait. Set a timer and just stand around a bit. Brush your teeth. Floss. I don’t care, just wait out the 5-7 minutes.
Hop in the shower. Lukewarm water is the best for this stuff, I’d avoid going really hot though. Grab a washcloth and slowly rub the stuff off in a circular motion while under the stream. You might have to give some hairs a gentle tug to get them out, but it shouldn’t take you any real effort. You may miss spots, and that’s okay, you can get them next time. You should probably have a set washcloth just for this, because Magic Shave does have a tendency to stain.
Pat dry. If you left it on a little too long, it might feel somewhat like razor burn. Use some Vitamin E/Moisturizing cream on it and dial the time back a little next time.
All in all, I much prefer using Magic Shave to rid myself of hair, because it leaves me MUCH smoother and isn’t as expensive as wearing razor cartridges out. Enjoy shaving, and know that your girlfriend/boyfriend will REALLY appreciate it.
EDIT: Thank you for the gold, kind soul! May your balls be eternally smooth and velvety.